A Guide to Avoiding Sensitive Comments at Funerals and Memorials

Funerals and memorial services are solemn occasions designed to honor and remember the deceased. They are also times when grief and sadness are openly expressed. It is crucial to be mindful of the words we choose, especially when speaking to those who are grieving. This article will guide you through common inappropriate comments made at funerals and memorials and what to say instead.

Common Inappropriate Comments

“He bloody well owed me ￡10 too”!

“This suit cost me a tenner from the charity shop”!

“If you happen to see that hammer that he borrowed from me 3 years ago...”

“I hope the buffet’s decent - I want my ￡10s worth”!

“I wonder if his bit of stuff will turn up”

“He didn’t smoke or drink but he didn’t live any longer but I bet it seemed that way”

“That’s why us men die before women - cos we want to”!

“Women live longer than men because they haven’t got Wives”!

“Funny really he always loved that Amii Stewart song, 'Knock On Wood!'”

“He was always dead from the neck up anyway - the rest of him just caught up”!

“Ironic really - being cremated when you’ve then got spend all eternity stoking fires”!

“I’ll bet that those long Winter nights will drag like a seal’s arse for you now eh”

“Well.. he had that coming”

“Guess this means I won’t be getting back the ￡20 she owes me”

“Bummer.. they are burying her with that pink top… I was hoping to borrow that next week”

“Does this mean there is a job opening at his company”

“When do you think you will be ready to sell his truck”

“Is this service going to take long; I have a 2pm tee time”

“Ewwww! That doesn’t look like him at all.”

“I fear for him because he didn’t accept Jesus as his personal savior before he died.”

“At least he went quickly. It was a lot worse with my Aunt Mildred because she suffered for months before she finally went.”

“You should sue the hospital.”

“Oh let’s not talk of sad things. Let’s talk about something cheerful. Did you see the pictures of my new grandson”

If you don’t plan to keep them after the funeral, could I have that vase of roses and lilies over there on the end?”

“Did he happen to mention me in his will? He sort of led me to believe I could expect some money from him.

“I hate these events. Such a waste of money that could have been used for so many more practical things.”

“Hello there. You probably don’t know me but I was his mistress.”

What to Say Instead

When attending a funeral or memorial service, focus on offering comfort and support to the bereaved. Here are some examples of appropriate and thoughtful comments:

Comforting Remarks

“I am so sorry for your loss.”

“We all miss him/her so much.”

“I am here if you need to talk.”

“Please accept my condolences.”

“Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.”

tribute

“He was an incredible person and a dedicated family man.”

“She was a caring and nurturing soul, and her absence will be deeply felt.”

“His/Her contributions to our community will be greatly missed.”

“He/She leaves a legacy of kindness and generosity.”

“He/She will be remembered for his/her kindness and love.”

Avoiding Inappropriate Comments

To ensure that your words do not cause discomfort or pain, consider the following tips:

Be Mindful of Grief

Recognize that grief is a personal and complex emotion.

Avoid making assumptions about the cause of the death or the reasons.

Focus on the positive memories and contributions of the deceased.

Avoid Sensitive Topics

Avoid comments related to money or estate matters.

Avoid making negative remarks about the deceased’s health or condition.

Avoid involving yourself in personal matters or making presumptions about family dynamics.

Conclusion

Funerals and memorials are significant events that require our sensitivity and care. By avoiding these inappropriate comments and focusing on offering support and comfort, we can help those who are grieving to find some solace during their difficult time. Remember, every family and every situation is unique, so sometimes it is best to simply be present and let the bereaved take the lead in how they want to speak about their loved one.