Why Do Narcissists Obsess Over What They Can't Have?

The question of whether narcissists can truly obsess over things they can’t have is a complex one, often rooted in their psychological makeup and the dynamics of their desire for validation and control. While it may seem like they do obsess, many experts argue that their behavior is more about entitlement and control than genuine obsession.

Obsession and Validation

Narcissists often obsess over things they can't have, including people, status, or possessions. This behavior reflects their deep-seated need for validation and control. When something is out of their reach, it can trigger a sense of challenge or competition, leading them to fixate on it even more. In relationships, a narcissist may idealize someone they can't have, leading to obsessive thoughts and behaviors. However, this obsession is often fueled by their desire for admiration and the thrill of the chase, rather than genuine emotional connection.

Behavioral Patterns

Behaviorally, a narcissist can be relentless when trying to secure their validation. They may become especially obsessed with something only to quickly move on once they get what they want. This is not because they are genuinely obsessed, but because they have a constant need for new sources of validation. Their actions are often calculated and designed to keep themselves at the center of attention. When faced with rejection, a narcissist may seem to forget their desires, only to remember them as soon as you reappear. This is not a true obsession but rather a calculated act to maintain their position.

The American Dream Parallels

Even humans in general can have similar traits. The idea of coveting what you can't have is deeply ingrained in the concept of the American dream, where the pursuit of personal aspirations and success can drive people to desire things they can't immediately achieve. This is a normal part of human nature and is not exclusive to narcissists.

Human Nature and Obsession

When someone becomes more attractive due to their unavailability, it's a manifestation of a deeper psychological phenomenon. This can often lead to an intense desire to possess what is out of reach. This behavior can be seen in both narcissists and non-narcissists. It is a normal part of human psychology, driven by the need for validation and the thrill of the chase. The idea of 'the one that got away' or someone becoming more appealing when they are unavailable is a common human reaction.

Conclusion: Dealing with a Narcissistic Ex

Dealing with a narcissistic ex requires prioritizing your well-being and establishing boundaries. Their behavior can be emotionally draining, and it's important to set clear limits to protect yourself. Understanding their behavior as a reflection of a deeper psychological need for validation and control can help you navigate the situation more effectively. Remember, it's not a rejection of you, but a reflection of their psychological makeup.